Soul Weariness is a term that often describes a state of emotional and spiritual exhaustion. It's more than just feeling tired; it's a deep-seated fatigue that affects the core of your being. This weariness can arise from a variety of factors, including:
Trauma: Experiencing traumatic events can leave deep emotional scars that can lead to soul weariness.
Chronic stress: Constant stress can deplete your energy and vitality, leading to a sense of being worn down.
Grief and loss: The loss of a loved one or significant life change can be emotionally taxing and contribute to soul weariness.
Burnout: Overworking and neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion.
Spiritual disconnect: Feeling disconnected from your inner self or a higher power can also contribute to soul weariness.
As a digital collage artist who specializes in surreal dark fairy tale imagery, I've always drawn inspiration from antique imagery and my own photographs. However, the past year has been a particularly transformative one, marked by significant personal upheaval and a profound sense of soul-weariness.
It all began at the end of January when I finally escaped an eight-year abusive relationship with a covert narcissist. The abruptness of the departure, with just a few days to pack up our lives, was a jarring experience. The word I had chosen for 2024, "Alchemy," seemed almost prophetic in light of the dramatic changes that were unfolding.
In the months that followed, I've been grappling with the emotional and psychological fallout of these difficult experiences. I'm still unpacking just how damaging that relationship was for me; just at how much of me I'd stuffed away in a vain attempt to protect myself from emotional trauma.
While I've found solace and creative expression in my art, there's an undeniable sense of soul weariness that has settled upon me. It's as if the intensity of the past year has drained my energy and left me feeling depleted.
I processed much of my trauma in those first frantic sleepless days and nights. I created enough art to launch my Art of Resilience: Narcissistic Abuse Oracle deck
That creative burst was essential in those early days when the pain was freshest and panic danced just around the corner. Creating helped me process and put everything into much-needed perspective.
But as the days turned into weeks, the weight of the past, the lingering shadow of a relationship that has left deep scars began to settle over me more deeply. Whatever the reason, this weariness has become a part of my daily experience.
I'm still finding solace in the transformative power of art. The act of creating and piecing fragments of imagery into new and surreal narratives gives me a sense of control in a world I am re-learning to navigate. It's a way to process my experiences, to give form to the chaos that has been swirling within me.
I am learning about the unhealthy patterns that led me into such an unhealthy relationship with an unstable bully. Part of it was of course just how insidious narcissists can be in the early days of their involvements, but so much of it was me: my tendency to people please, my difficulty with setting boundaries, and my intensely empathetic nature which compels me to want to help people and make them feel better, even at the cost of my own well being.
I am focusing on learning to set boundaries and to be more cognizant of the red flags of narcissists and other toxic people.
While I may be weary, I am also resilient. I believe that this year of Alchemy, of transformation and rebirth, will ultimately lead to a deeper understanding of myself and my art. And perhaps, in time, the weight of the past will lighten, and I will emerge from this challenging period with a renewed sense of vitality and purpose.
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